Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
