We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
