i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
