how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
