allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
