After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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