By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
