your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
