Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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