Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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