Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I want her autograph on my taint
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
