So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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