am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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