My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
