if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
