his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
