you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
