Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
