I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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