I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
