This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
