bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
