My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Who wears a wallet chain?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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