I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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