shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i believe in u and ur pee
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