the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
