i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
