New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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