Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
