woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
