How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
