this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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