I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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