Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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