So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
