Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
