Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
