One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
