whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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