I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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