you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
