so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
