thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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