he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
