i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
