Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
