John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
