how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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