our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
