I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
