I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
