i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
