two words: eviction party
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
