Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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