I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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