3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
