i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I faked an abortion last night.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
