why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
