similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
