Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize