I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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