He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
