i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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