he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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