So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Congratulations! We have a period
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
