I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
