You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
