One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
