That's intense
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm just crazy horny about you
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
