Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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