Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
