you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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