I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
