Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my shit smells like andre
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
