shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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