i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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