Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
