Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
