i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
