Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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