FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
